Saturday, December 8, 2012

Short and sweet.

I haven't cried as much as I have today since the start of this whole fucking disaster.

I'm a day and a half away from my due date, so my options of solace are limited.

What I hate the most is IT IS NOT ME keeping me from trying to keep a semblance of normalcy and happiness.  I was just eating dinner quietly when YOU started in with me.

I should not have to answer for the fuck ups of anyone else.

I'm in this mess because I admitted to my own mistake.  So I might be many things, but among those is honest, and remorseful, and I HAVE MORE THAN PAID MY PRICE.

So honestly, if it's that much of a problem to help me, DON'T.  I have friends that will drive me to the hospital.  I have brothers and a sister that will take Chester while I'm there.  A sister that I was staying with until I was told to come to you.  And I will get the hell out of the house as soon as I go back to work, which could be as soon as February.

If I'm not worth the sacrifice, I'm glad I at least know it now.

You are INSANE if you think I am happy about this, and comfortable enough to stay here long term.

If it's not clear the amount of things I've already given up for my son, I don't know what to say to you.  I am even willing to go back to the career that made me sick in the first place because I know I will be able to make more money for him doing that.

Because he is not a burden.  I'm in love with him.  I have since I first saw his tiny speck of a body on the ultrasound screen.  And it doesn't matter if he is a day old or 28 years old.  I will always sacrifice for him.

I'm sorry I don't incite the same emotion in you.

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