Just so all my fanatical readers out there know, I may not write much on the weekends, at least for the time being. I usually spend the weekend at my sister's house, for a change of scenery, and to get me out to someplace other than work, laughing, and whatever else. Living some semblance of a life. This probably won't last much longer as my due date continues to get closer and closer and I have more to prepare for in regard to the baby and I am just physically not able to get around as easily.
However, this past weekend I went out to my sister's house, and it turned out it was my baby shower on Saturday. It was very beautifully done. None of my husband's family was invited, nor were any friends that are mutual between us; this strictly because I've next to no communication with anyone from my husband's world since we separated. Of course I missed some of them being able to be there. But it just wasn't going to work.
My family is on the smaller side, so that kept the party itself pretty small. But I liked it that way. It was intimate, everyone there knew the situation so no one there asked inappropriate questions, or questions at all, and the focus was just on the excitement of a new baby coming, as it should have been.
My sister decorated her house so sweetly. She hung baby clothes from clothes pins on lines she strung up around her living room and dining room. She had paper lantern-type things hanging and she made chocolate cupcakes with blue and white icing and lemonade that she dyed blue. She had a table with a picture of me pregnant, and a beautiful little tree lit up and blank cards where people could write wishes for me and the baby and hang them on the tree. She set up a table for people to create their own bib for the baby. She set up a wishing well inside the baby's new bassinet, and a table just for books for the baby.
The baby and I made out so well. One of my cousins gave me a great giant basket filled with all the necessities - bath supplies, first aid supplies, bibs, diapers, teething toys...every little thing you can think of that you HAVE to have.
He got clothes, blankets, sheets, bottles, a bathtub, car seat and stroller, activity mat, a jumper, a bouncer, a pack and play, toys, a video baby monitor, the bassinet which lights up, vibrates, has wheels for easy maneuvering, has a mobile, that spins and plays music...you can even hook it up to an mp3 player...it was great. One of my favorite things was a CD with lullaby versions of Radiohead songs. I just need a few more random things and my little boy will be set.
I struggled for awhile with whether or not I should have a shower. I ended up not registering anywhere, because I was overwhelmed, alone, and I was afraid people would feel badly about my situation and buy more than they could afford. But my sister amazingly managed to coordinate with people so that I received absolutely no duplicates. I wouldn't have cared anyway; that's what gift receipts are for. I didn't expect all these things; I expected only to get the little things that I could use multiples of anyway. I was overwhelmed with love.
Because I live with my mother and spend the weekends with my sister, it was very difficult for them to keep it a surprise. No one spilled the beans; but I did have a feeling going in that Saturday was my shower. We had invited people from my office, but since only one person would have been able to make it, they are actually throwing me their own shower on Thursday. That is also supposed to be a surprise, but I knew it when I saw a mysterious lunch at the Hilton appear on our work calendar.
My sister/friends were the ones that convinced me to have a shower. They said that I am excited about the baby, so I should do all the normal things in preparation for the baby, have fun, and celebrate his coming. As time moved on and I knew I needed to as well, I decided to go along with it. I'm happy I did. There is no reason I should have denied myself or my baby such a wonderful day. And let's face it--for practical reasons, the amount of things I received certainly helped me financially because I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own.
Now I'm officially at the point that I just can't wait for him to arrive. I just saw a friend of mine whom I just found out is pregnant. She is just starting her second trimester. She asked me if I was scared, about the actual birth. And I told her I guess I was at first, and of course I still think about it, but that you reach a point of such horrendous discomfort that you just can't wait to get the baby out of you.
Having a baby is one of the hardest things I'm ever going to do. And it's even harder when it's not happening in the way that I planned. But my son is going to be unique being; a blank canvas, my soulmate. I don't see how that isn't something to be celebrated. That doesn't mean you have to have a baby shower; whatever your unique situation might not allow it. But it does mean that you should do whatever you would otherwise to celebrate baby's arrival. It's not my fault that my situation is not the typical one, but my son is just as much of a blessing to me as he would have been had he been born into a family with a mommy and daddy and big house with a yard.
Maybe he is even more of a blessing. Maybe he will save me.